ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My nipple is on Facebook.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
