I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
