He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
