the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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