Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
