oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
