I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
