if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
