I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
