hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
