wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
