Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
