I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
