But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you traded sex for a burrito?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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