I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
