Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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