I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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