My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
