she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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