did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize