he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Boobs are out for the taking
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
