i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
