I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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