if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had to cum in my sink.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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