I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
