Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
