I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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