then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
