I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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