i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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