my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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