Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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