I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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