i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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