was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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