dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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