he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
