whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
