There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
