Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
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we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
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PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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