Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
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Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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