i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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