i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
