i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
