You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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