I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
