i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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