can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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