you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
