Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
