What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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