everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
