Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh god it's open bar.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
