New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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