he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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