are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
