fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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