There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she looked like the before picture.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
is that a dick in a sweater?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
