I wish I could punch you in the face.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
