Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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