just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
