Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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