Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
