i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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