I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
