Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
