Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
