She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
