i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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