just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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