I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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