I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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