I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
