Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
