Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
