When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
