I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
