I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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