he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just invented taco cereal.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
