smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We have started to decorate penises.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize