The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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