have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
