don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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