Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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